he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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