I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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