I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
