wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
