i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
