It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ok first of all what the fuck
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
