I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
