Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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