She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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