im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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