So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
