Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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