Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
