Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize