So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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