This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
