Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
