my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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