I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
