Christians are straight up FREAKS
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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