Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
