My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
