i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
