Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
