When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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