Jerry, you need to find god
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That was before I lit my hair on fire
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
