Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
