By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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