The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
