I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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