he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
