I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
