So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Text me some of your sweat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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