you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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