literally had 100 drinks last night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I look better un-naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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