i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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