My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
