the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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