I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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