Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
