I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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