My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
