other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
