What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
