i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
