Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
