i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
