Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
