it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
