Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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