we're blogging at a bar
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
