My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
