Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
