I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize