I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
