So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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