you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
