a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
