It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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