i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
