it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ruined the universe
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
