So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
